Do you feel haunted by the past? In the clutches of depression? Are you out of hope and a step away from giving up your life? Don’t pull the curtains just yet. There is always a way. Whatever is your situation now, you have the power to change it. You are not alone. This book is the reply to your Mayday. You are the master of your destiny. Take life in your own hands. All you need is within your reach. You can do it! I believe in you.
Subtitle: An Informal Self-Help Publication
Author: Cristina G.
191 pages
Published in July 2017
Excerpt
Dreams do come true if you are willing to pay the price
I want to start by saying that until two years ago I used to fight with everyone who said this. It made me feel frustrated, angry and offended. I just wanted to shout that, “Dreams don't come true for everyone. It’s not a matter of desiring. It doesn’t matter how much you want a thing, luck it’s the ultimate secret. I am not lucky. Look how shitty my life is. How filled with failures, abuse, mockery. You are talking nonsense.”
I take that back. I am sorry, universe, I didn't know better. I learnt my lesson.
“Luck,” is being in the right place at the right time. To be in the right place, you need to move in many directions. To be at the right time is to prepare yourself. So it's not luck, it's working hard in many directions.
When I decided that I want to be an author, I knew I had to make a change in my paradigm. I knew I had to play roles I didn’t like, I knew I had to adapt. At least it’s what I thought. I prepared myself, but knowing is not that difficult, being in the middle of things it’s a completely different affair.
One of the worst discoveries for me was that to get noticed, you need to be popular. And to become popular, you need exposure. To get exposure, you must to go out there and press people. Spam them with your stuff all the time. Ask, insist, beg, expect, pretend and push, push, push! Like a woman who gives birth to a child. Well, I don’t have children, I don’t know how to push. And the reason I don’t know is that I can’t procreate. Prior to that, I didn’t want kids, so… The deal is that I don’t like to push. I don’t like to be bombarded with stuff I couldn’t care less about. It’s very annoying. And because I am following the Golden Rule, “Don’t do on to others what you don’t like to be done on to you.”
I really had very big issues changing my perspective about it. You see, I am a shy person and very, very independent. I don’t ask for things. I don’t need others’ help or support. I never needed it. I can take care of myself just fine. Plus, I had no self-esteem, therefore no confidence. Only the thought that I have to do that to become popular, almost made me give up on my dream. I had to make a drastic shift in my paradigm. Now I ask for help, but I am still not so okay with it. I don’t want to do it, I have to do it. So I do it. I am sorry if you think I am annoying. It’s not my intention. I have a dream, you see. I am working on it and I follow the rules made by others before me. If this is what it takes to reach my dream, then bring it on.
Another thing I discovered, is that without reviews you don’t make sales. That’s logic from a point of you. The horrible thing is that many, way too many (really way, way, way too many) reviews are paid in a way or another. I was devastated. I swear to God, I ran for a few miles, found a lonely spot and shouted until I lost my voice. I went through a serious nervous breakdown (another one). I hated that thought. Everything in my body was screaming, “You can’t do this. It’s not ethically correct. It is not! You can’t do that, no, you won’t do that! It’s not you. It’s too much.” It was indeed a price I wasn’t willing to pay. And I am not talking about money that I couldn’t afford anyway. I thought my dream was impossible. I really considered giving up. It took me months and months of therapy. But because I made a commitment to myself that I will do everything in my power to succeed, I had to adapt and accept. “If it’s that what it takes, then I will do it.”
So yes, some of my reviews are paid. Only a few for now. Mostly because I don’t have enough finances to invest in that. I had to prioritise. The reviews are very, very expensive. To have many reviews, you have to invest a huge deal of money. Yes, people, it’s the cruel truth. The more money you invest, the higher you get. The more you spend, the more you earn. I am not there yet. Not even close. And the more you pay for a review, the better it sounds. More stars, more words on topic – not a copy of the blurb that everyone can see. If you read a review like that, know that the reviewer didn’t bother to read the story. I don’t know how that works and can’t discuss really. What I know that the reviewer takes the recompense and writes a few words. If he/she doesn’t like your name, you’re in a bad situation.
Many bestsellers are such due to huge investment. Huge. When I have the money, my books will become bestsellers.
Thinking that your story is amazing, but still requires massive financial investment to make the world see that, is incredibly depressing and utterly devastating for a good writer. That’s why many of them are unknown and will remain such for eternity. It’s a price not many decide to pay.
My farewell post on Carpe Diem blog was entitled, “Goodbye my friends – Everyone has a price.” In there I confessed that I was not ready to pay the required price to become popular and successful. “It’s more than I can afford. I can’t do it. It’s too much for me. I give up. I prefer to clean streets and apartments. Goodbye.” That was in May of 2014. When I decided I want to be a writer at any cost, I had to subject my mind to unbearable torture to overcome that. I cried, cursed, cringed, and twisted in pain, and I so wished a divine hand to take that away from me.
I am not saying that all reviews are fake, no. But it’s a popular career. Do an online research.
If you are a reviewer, please don’t come to me and say they are objective. Even if they were, the fact that you were paid stands still…Paid in a way or another. Exchanging favours is a pay. I begged my social network friends, real life friends and family members for reviews. You have no idea how bad that made and makes me feel. I am sick and disgusted by myself. But I have a dream, and I am willing to pay any price to get where I want to be. Maybe not any price really. There are still many limits.
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I am thinking of setting up an offer like this: my body in exchange for five- star reviews. 100 positive and full-star reviews in exchange for a rich dinner cooked by me (I am a great cook) and a night in my bed. I could listen to your heart and complaints if you want. I am also an amazing listener. But I want my pay first. 100 five stars positive reviews. Not one less, not one negative, not one missing a star. – It’s a joke, people. A joke. But as in every joke, there is some truth in it. Make me an offer. Gotcha!
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By the way, my family members and friends are incredibly busy people. Asking is one thing, getting… well, this is… a completely different story. If you are a writer, “How many of those close to you took the time to write a few words? Come again?”
I know how you feel, unfortunately. It’s not the end of the world. Don’t give up!
Some people don’t give the maximum stars because nothing is perfect. Only God can have that. (Often not even him.) Except God is not human. He doesn’t need to be popular, he doesn’t need to succeed and make a living. You write a book and will re-discuss this after you get your reviews. You tell me how does it feel to spend a year of your life writing every day, pay a random publisher a huge amount of money to publish your book professionally. Pay the proofreading, the marketing, and the honest reviews. How does it feel when someone considers that perfections is not for humans? Let me bring this to you: It’s not cool. But all you can do is to cry for a while, buckle up and move on. That’s only the beginning. To reach the sky, you need to shoot for the stars (the last part is by Les Brown) and be prepared for the winter.
So you see, to follow a dream you have to make infinite compromises and play the games all the others play. You have to be willing to pay the price. And I had to say, “If that’s what it takes, then be it.” While I cried and asked for forgiveness. It’s not easy, not at all. Not for a person who never asked for help before. It costs me more than you think. It hurts my soul.
So for now, I am a writer – I am that, I am regardless of the global fame or recognition. I am a writer because I write.
I write while people sleep or rest, while they party, watch TV or listen to music.
I write when I don’t feel like it, when I’m in pain, despondent, hungry, sad, and anxious.
I write when it’s sunny, when it rains and when it’s windy.
I write despite the terrible idea that I might never have credit for it. As difficult to believe and false this might sound, I don’t write for fame or vanity. I write only for a living but without fame, I can’t really make a living, right?
When I took the decision to dedicate the rest of my days to start living through writing, I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that it required loads of sacrifices and compromises. But nothing was harder than living with no faith. I had nothing to be proud in my past, and no future. I wasn’t living, I was surviving. Despite the countless mishaps in my existence and the struggle to overcome them, I realised that I was just a spectator in my life. The receiver of a destiny that I didn’t create and didn’t like. I couldn’t go on like that. I had to do something. – This is a story that will be developed in a memoir. Very interesting. Stay tuned.
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